I probably haven’t walked “the long road” long enough to earn the right to even talk about it. I’m referring to the long road of publishing. Others have travelled further than me, and over rougher terrain. Many don’t reach their destination.

As for me, I don’t know if there is an end. Perhaps I’ll find only endless curves leading to more curves. A never-ending series of false hopes. There are plenty of places to stop, pause, or exit altogether if the road runs too hard. I hear plenty of inner voices and feel the pull of a dozen alternative activities that offer respite from self-imposed work. Why and how do I resist? Sometimes I don’t, after all, it’s easy to give in. Deciding now’s the perfect time to eat a bowl of cereal is the simplest out there is. But there’s something inside me that fights against that, and if it doesn’t get me back in the computer chair, at the very least it makes me feel guilty for neglecting this second job.

Perhaps this is the universal journey of authors.

Why Has It Been So Long, Friend?

My last blog post appeared almost three years ago. I’m not sure if I can fully explain why it’s been so long. Partly I think I’d been writing so many blog posts while neglecting to write stories, almost as if the blog was one of those temporary escapes. The loss of focus on what I really wanted to do ate at me. For a variety of reasons, from the time I started the blog I was trying to publish every week (which then became every two weeks, and then every month, and then…nothing). Authors in similar positions as me said having a blog was the only way to sell books once they’re published. I believed them. Since then, I have come to two realizations. First, I don’t think it’s true. Second, I don’t have any books published.

Allegedly, publishing companies don’t market books they print (true or not? I don’t know), and it’s left to authors. Those who have an online following—for example a successful blog—are more likely to sell books. If you don’t have the followers, you don’t sell. This is the line people feed each other, and at the time I thought it was good advice. So I blogged.

Please don’t misunderstand, I like writing blogs. I can’t say why, since I’m not usually inclined to share my thoughts in person, but the blog feels different. It might be because I can type and delete and retype, and in the end say everything the way I want to. Talking is hard after all. Either way, for the past three years I’ve focused on writing the stories I want to write instead of the blog. The novel I posted about in November 2019 ended up being rejected by all the agents I sent it to (maybe 50 or more). And in the end I stopped sending it out, because it obviously needs more work.

Then I started a new book. I’m halfway done with what might be the “almost done” draft. That’s part of the reason this post has come to be. I’m stuck on Chapter 13, and I need an outlet to clear my head.

Writing is a long road.

Where Am I Going?

I wish I knew how to answer this question. A vision has enticed me for a long time:  published author, books signings, reviews, and so on. Seeing the book on the bookshelf at Barnes and Noble would be the achievement that tells me “I’m there”. But writing solely for the purpose of getting to that point has been less than fulfilling. On the other hand, writing only the stuff that pleases me and doesn’t interest anyone else might be mentally relaxing, but it doesn’t eat up the figurative miles. Doing that resembles more of a figurative spinout or something (whatever analogy makes sense for you).

I’m straddling a line that is narrower than I first anticipated. I’m trying to stay true to my course, that is producing the kind of writing that’s authentic to me. At the same time, the book I’m writing needs to be something marketable, or else the Barnes and Noble dream evaporates.

It would be silly to think I’m the only person who’s ever gone through this. I’m sure it’s common to almost everyone trying to do anything in any art. The marketing is part of the job, but the creation is why we got into it in the first place. I think deep down, we all sort of feel like it isn’t a job, but the economics of wanting to eventually sell force job-like characteristics into the process.

That’s kind of annoying, especially for stubborn people like me.

So the question of where I’m going is answered. The long road ahead means balancing salability and self-fulfillment. I need to do both, because the vision is Barnes and Noble, but I won’t ever get there if I don’t enjoy the trip. In the end, I want to retain the excitement I had when I wrote this post back when I hadn’t yet hit any potholes or speedbumps or gravel patches. If I don’t do that, there’s no way I’ll make it to the end.

The long road of writing might be marked by a multitude of exits (and excuses for each), but for now, I only see one destination for me. It’s the continued steps forward.

My Road Trip

From here, I intend to update the blog but only at a frequency of once every few months or so. I don’t want to wait too long between updates, because I like doing it. Besides, it takes forever to remember how to format photos for the website and I’m out of practice. In contrast, I don’t want to feel the pressure to write a clever post every week like I used to (not that anyone but me was pressuring me, and not that they were terribly clever, although I still think the title of my lone movie review post “Rey of Hope” was sort of clever).

But the road I’m on is an author road. So my focus will be primarily there. If I were you, I wouldn’t set a watch by my blog posts. I’m likely to miss a few.

I would say this blog is my rest stop for today as I continue down the long road. When I become unmotivated or writing feels like a chore that I want to quit, this less demanding form will hopefully help re-energize me. At least, I’m going to give it a shot. The Barnes and Noble book-on-the-shelf destination is still my goal. Road trips can sometimes end up at places we don’t intend. Although I don’t know what will happen as I continue on the long road, I’m hopeful I’ll end at a bookstore near me.

Thanks for walking with me for a bit.

 

 

 

 

Also, you might like to read my post entitled All the Light.

 

Image Credits
James Wheeler on VisualHunt
Pasi Mammela on VisualHunt.com
Chris Hunkeler on VisualHunt.com
TimOve on VisualHunt